if i leave here tomorrow.
written: 4:47 p.m. on Thursday, May. 26, 2005

I want to have Bo Bice's baby.

Nah, just kidding.

Anyway, half of me is disappointed that he didn't win and the other half is glad that he doesn't have to conform to American Idol's Terms and Conditions of Being A Lousy Manufactured Pop Star With Zero Credibility. I'm disappointed because I think he's a million times better than Carrie Underwood, whom I do think is talented as well but she just doesn't do it for me the way Bo does. And I admit, it does seem a bit staged, what with Bo being forced to sing that abysmal song Long Long Road Home Or Whatever and Carrie singing a song that has already been recorded by Guy Sebastian - far from what I'd (or anyone else) call 'original'. And then there's that whole controversy over a small report in some British newspaper that was published in May 22 which stated that Carrie Underwood was the winner of American Idol, blah blah blah, which does throw up a whiff of fishiness in the air. Such doubt over whether the real winner was truly announced only makes this thingy that much harder to take.

Still, the other half of me knows that Bo will be labelled a sell-out if he'd won and then released an album on American Idol's recording contract. Seriously, despite my conviction that he's the better recording artiste for the soppy and insipid American Idol single, that kind of watered-down bubblegum pop nonsense is just so not him. Sure, he can sing anything, but he's at his best when he's doing his rock thing and I wanna hear Bo rock and not Bo pop, you know? At the end of the day, artistic credibility still wins over a silly American Idol title that won't mean anything much in the long run.

I totally dug his Sweet Home Alabama with Lynyrd Skynyrd (I finally got the spelling right!). It was the best part of the dreary two-hour shit-finale for me - I was moved to near-tears, just seeing him wonderfully doing his thing and singing his heart out. It's funny: as much as Fantasia got me excited towards the end of the previous season, this is the first time I actually care that much about some American Idol person. It's obvious, isn't it? Bo's too good for the show!

The finale was awfully stupid though. I can't believe they butchered their own national anthem like that and turned it into a complete joke. I'm not into patriotism but I'd be rather aghast if that happened with Singapore's anthem! And what was with the retarded re-replays of insipid audition tapes that we've seen a million times already? Who cares about the woman who pawned her wedding ring? Who cares about that fat psychic with the unparalleled ability to sing completely off-key? Who cares about the American Idol journey thing, one that has been played at least once before? God, it was banal. The only time when I truly enjoyed the show was when Bo and Lynyrd Skynyrd did Sweet Home Alabama together - I liked it even more than the skit they recorded that parodied that Corey whatshisface pseudo-expose on some crappy TV network. I was hoping he'd do it at the finale but the producers just had to force that rubbish song on him. Lovely.

Oh, and I noticed something. When Carrie was announced as the winner, the camera was on Bo's family who were standing up and clapping and all. Directly behind them though were Hall and Oates - the two guys who wrote "She's Gone" which Scott whatshisface completely slaughtered? Yeah. They were seated and didn't look too pleased. I thought that was pretty funny.

Sigh. I still feel a bit sad despite my whole artistic credibility reasoning but I guess I'll get over it in due time. I sooo hope that the American Idol tour would make a stop here like it did last year and that Bo would be a part of it. I totally don't mind spending $150 to see him, which was the amount I spent twice on Jielun. Hahahahahaha.

One thing that made me very disgusted about the results show was this: Constantine. What was he doing? His over-the-top, "I soooo wanna be a rock star like Bo!" antics only cracked me up. He completely exposed himself as a wannabe after we've been through so many weeks of the authentic rock star in the form of Bo Bice. Constantine is one funny man. He should stick to theatre and stop pretending to be rock. I'm sure he'd do damn well on the acting stage.

So yeah, that was hilarious. He totally turns me off.

I'm not going to watch the next season. I can't imagine watching American Idol without Bo Bice so yeah, there you go. I'd probably watch just the auditions and leave it at that - I highly doubt that they'd be able to top this season. Oh well. Who cares anyway. I don't even follow Singapore Idol or particularly care about it.

Nothing else to say today. I don't feel like talking about university. All of a sudden I don't feel like going anymore. I don't want to do anything that would have a significant impact on my future - it's too scary and I'm too indecisive and I just wanna be lost in Bo's heaven and drift away with him. There's angst and ambivalence in me right now and although I don't think I'd back out of what I'd already accepted, I still can't help but wonder if I'm really doing the right thing all the same.

Also, I'm probably not a very pleasant person but I've worked for all of this and I do think I have the right to whine every now and then if I think it's going to soothe things a little. There are simply times during which I don't feel like being responsible for everybody's feelings. Yes, I admit, I succumb to such moments too often, but right now I don't feel like being apologetic.

Sigh.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010