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he ain't stupid because he's my bro.
written: 6:14 p.m. on Friday, May. 27, 2005

I bought a Creative MP3 player today, the Zen something-or-other. It's lovely and I adore it. I wanted the newest model initially (Zen Neeon or something along those lines; looks like the CEO has a spelling problem, ha ha) but the one I eventually bought was available with a combo that comes with a set of really kick-ass speakers which are essential since I don't fancy listening to music through earphones. So, it's all good.

There was some promotion going on at the Creative headquarters. My mom and I were there at about 11 a.m. and when I saw horde of people outside waiting to get in, I almost wanted to leave. I had no idea that there was a fair and neither did my mom. What a timely coincidence; NOT. I hate crowds and I always will unless it's at a Bo Bice/Jay Chou concert, yada.

My head hurts. I have no idea how to set up the speakers yet. Would be fun to try.

Went with my mom to my brother's Parent/Teacher session. It was hilarious listening to the way my brother's teacher described his attitude and behaviour in school. My brother has a knack for making people's blood boil with his non-committal, spacey grunts flippantly disguised as 'answers' to questions and apparently he does this all the time in school. He sits at the back of class because he can sleep there (or so he claims) and treats subject files like very unfunny jokes.

He sounds so much like me that it's pretty scary when we consider that I did like shit for the O Levels. His teacher thinks that he's a smart kid (not too far from the truth) and that he's wasting his potential.

Here's the part where I do a double-take. Wasn't that what my JC teachers were telling my mom when I had Parent/Teacher sessions? I guess my bro and I are similar in more ways than I'd thought.

The only difference, and it's a crucial difference, is this: Eventually I picked myself up and brought it home and I settled down and I studied my ass off and I got most of what I wanted. Some of it was done too little, too late, and there are things that I regret not doing, but still, I managed to make something out of the A Levels. And I succeeded because I knew what I wanted; I had the drive to get what I wanted; and because, simply, I bothered to give a fuck.

I'm not sure if my brother even cares. In fact, I don't even know what goes on in his head. I can't even begin to guess because I've already forgotten most of what it was like to be in secondary school and to feel like it was the biggest joke in the world. The indifference, the nonchalance and the conviction that I was wasting my time doing the O Levels - all these feel like what my bro is possibly feeling, but I can't grasp at any reasons behind them.

So I guess this is the time I re-visit those years and read the diaries. But for whatever this is worth, I hope he makes something out of the O Levels and not lower himself to its non-existent standards. He's smarter than the O Levels; hence, he should totally kick its ass and get better grades than I did.

But oh, how I wish he could see that.

**

I still love Bo very much. I wanna get his band Sugar Money's album.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010