BENNETT CHEONG! and other things that made me smile
written: 8:21 p.m. on Tuesday, Aug. 09, 2005

It's so nice to know someone cares; it made me so happy.

God I still can't believe he called me from New Zealand!!!

But seriously, nobody has ever done that for me before. I mean, the only overseas calls I've received were from my relatives in Taiwan and my dad calling from his cell in Malaysia; that's about all. Dude, you really made my day! When (I refuse to entertain the 'if' prospect) you come back to Singapore at the end of the year, I am so going to give you a treat! Yayness and everything.

I love Ben.

Non-sexually that is. Haha!

Next: I had lunch with my mom at Swensen's, Bukit Panjang Plaza, and lunch was great. I love my mom, I really do, love her to bits and pieces despite her overwhelming propensity towards constant nagging. She rocks. She's honestly about the only person (other than dad and bro, maybe) who can tolerate my horrible rudeness when I'm in a bad mood, give me some space to mope, to be morose, to snap at her, and still treat it like nothing ever happened when the storm has passed. She's amazing.

And she bought me clothes! Oh my god new clothes! We went into this boutique a few doors away from Swensen's and I had my eye on this nice tank top, which my mom calls a singlet (whatever lah!), and although she was like, "I don't like you wearing such tops" she bought it for me anyway. I also bought this GORGEOUS short dark pink skirt, supposedly from India (that is like so fucking cool), and the icing on the cake? The lady shop owner said I'm pretty. Hahaha! And that I have a nice, sweet smile. Hahaha! And that I should go into modelling. Hahaha!

I love it when people sing my praises. It gets embarrassing but it's a nice feeling all the same. And I didn't even question her sincerity; just wasn't in the state of mind to be cynical. Believing other people's words and taking them for what they are, once in a while, it feels pretty good. Almost like I'm genuinely a full-fledged kid all over again.

Oh well, illusion was nice to revel in while it lasted.

Anyway, I had a great time reading my contract law reading today (okay, reading my reading; how smart, but hell, whatever). The first time round, my brain effectively went, "Huh?" upon reaching the last word of the handout. It was quite complicated and I'm not used to reading boring English but I did the hypotheticals in the intro lecture handout thing and suddenly, everything made sense.

The only problem is, I'm always so convinced by my own take on things that I find it hard to explore the same issue from an opposing angle. I'm always right and that's the end of it, but law is essentially about grey areas isn't it? You have to find a common ground for two contradicting viewpoints to co-exist; and that's precisely the thing that makes law both exciting and scary. Above all else though, it's undeniably intellectually-stimulating and I'm liking it so far, even if it means making myself feel stupid.

But I trust that I'll get the hang of it pretty soon. I have to anyway; otherwise, might as well drop out and all.

The downside? I was trying to read the first chapter of Jones's textbook on torts and I succeeded in reading five pages out of thirty. It was BORING! So hard to comprehend! What is it with legal English? My god, who speaks like that, honestly? And needless to say, I haven't even got started on my Neumann stuff. Going straight into it after this entry.

I can't wait for tomorrow. I'm meeting Mel for lunch, going to find Khai, crashing Lit lecture and going to NUS Lit Soc's tea thingy (what kind of tea is at 6 p.m. though, honestly) at 6 with Mel and Pei, and possibly Khai. Colour me excited.

And speaking of Khai, thanks for the awesome chat on MSN. I wish we were closer too, but trust me on this: I've never felt a stronger connection with someone who isn't a typically-close friend in terms of how frequently we see each other, how frequently we text each other, how frequently we speak on the phone. You're special, you're iconoclastic (if that's a word) and you're going to set the world ablaze. I know I stole that from your Friendster testimonial to me but I honestly believe it. I can't wait to finally see you tomorrow Khai!

Azrul: Thanks for the guestbook message; it made me smile. What happened to your blog dude? And hey, it's the thought that counts, insert other similar cliches here, so who cares if it's from a cheesy band? (Not that I'd know; I've never heard Yellowcard before. Ha!)

Cain Bob: The girl you like is probably one of the luckiest girls alive; she just doesn't know it yet. If I were in New York and someone gave me a surprise visit, I'd totally marry that person. Thanks for the anti-nationalism comic relief. Was so funny. I was laughing out loud and my mom thought I was crying. (Like what the hell man?!) And for the advice too.

Shit I forgot what I else I was going to say. Oh my god it's almost 9 and I haven't started reading Neumann fuck tutorial's on THURSDAY!! I can't fail class participation; I'd just die and everything.

Oh, and to this national day thing: I love the NDP because it is so damn hilarious. Watching the march past thingy had me in a mish-mashed state of uncontrolled laughter and grave inability to comprehend just what exactly the point was, why we are so insistent on celebrating weapons of mass destruction, why I seem to be the only person in the world who believes that armies the whole world over should be obliterated and abolished, why people seem to think that I'm crazy for feeling this way, why 'idealism' seems to be an insult, and why war seems to be the only logical solution in safeguarding peace. I know that life is a huge paradox by definition but this is a bit too much.

Well, watching five minutes of the stupid parade got me thinking, so thank you for that. Shoot me for being anti-patriotic and anti-nationalistic but I find the notion of dying for something that's little more than a piece of land absolutely absurd.

And Clarence, I honestly don't know what it is about you, if it's even about you, or if it's just about how weak and soft I am. But honestly, when you're not being forgetful and oblivious, when you're not the reason I'm up all night unable to sleep because I'm too frustrated to, you're like sunshine, and sometimes that's the only thing that matters. I don't know how to deal with this other than how I dealt with it, so I'm sorry if I alienated you, spoiled your day, things along those lines. You should know: I am deeply, inherently, essentially dysfunctional; I can't talk like the way I write; talking pretty much means getting things lost in my clumsy attempts to impart a message; and hence, this. I don't know any other way and I just wanted to be honest.

So, this concludes my second entry of the day. It's now 9.14 p.m., I haven't started preparing for Thursday's scary tutorial, time to shoot myself in the head or something. I'm so gonna have to sleep at 1 a.m. tonight.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010