Too many thinking.
written: 2:13 p.m. on Sunday, Oct. 26, 2008

*

Fucking Eurosport isn't showing the final live, so I have to wait until 1 a.m. to watch the 3-hour delay telecast. What the fuck man. They're showing some whatever snooker shit which is just...I have no words. Absolutely no words. I just found out they played yesterday's semi at 9 a.m. today. Guess what I was doing at 9? Sleeping, of course. Hopefully the 3.45 p.m. repeat of the semi-final isn't the Del Potro/Nalbandian one...but it probably is since Roger's semi was shown at 9.

Grah. I HATE EUROSPORT.

Also, Roger's head-to-head with Nalbandian stands at 9-8. I take very little comfort in the fact that Nalbandian's had to fight a bit to beat Roger, either in tie-breaks or a few sets more than the minimum. I also take comfort in the fact that Roger won their last meeting. I take comfort, lastly, in the fact that Roger's playing in Basel and everyone there loves him so he'd have the strength of the crowd on his side.

Other than that? I'm freaking out. SHIT HE HAS TO WIN. HE JUST HAS TO. HAS TO.

*

In other news, I'm pleased to announce that, much like Roger in most of his Basel matches, I'm once again struggling to hold serve. Down love-forty and ready to give up.

It is how it is: Once you've been broken, you're not likely to win the match. Your only chance is fighting to break back, but if your opponent is serving really well, you have about no chance in hell. You can't fend off a straight-forward ace, a powerful second serve; all you can do is play defensively and hope like mad your opponent makes an error.

I'm not sure, though, what you can possibly do when your opponent isn't actually there. It's really all in your head: playing against yourself, beating yourself down, breaking yourself over and over. It's the memories that keep on surfacing, the memories that you're fighting against - and these memories? They are yours alone. You're the one that chose to be broken by them; something so intangible and incorporeal can't possibly break you unless you allow it to. Down 0-40, ready to give up, and then of course, broken at love. At? By? You do it to yourself, you do; that's what really hurts (Radiohead). (You do it to yourself, just you; you and no one else.)

Oh well. Right? Oh well.

*

I love this Stereophonics song:

Maybe Tomorrow

Been down and I'm wondering why
These little black clouds keep walking around with me, with me
Waste time and I'd rather be high
Think I'll walk me outside and buy a rainbow smile but they're free, they're all free

Maybe tomorrow I'll find my way home

I look around at a beautiful life
I've been the upperside of down, been the inside out of out but we breathe, we breathe
I wanna breeze and an open mind
Want to swim in the ocean wanna take my time for me, yeah me

Maybe tomorrow I'll find my way home

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010