Love-all.
written: 6:36 p.m. on Saturday, Oct. 17, 2009

OMG both Djoke and Davy are playing amazing high octane attacking tennis. IT'S AWESOME~! OMGZ.

Rooting a bit more for Djoke cos I like him a bit better (when he's not thumping his chest in a highly obnoxious fashion, which he always does after he wins an intense rally. I hate it when he does that), but I like Davy too, so whoever wins doesn't make a difference. I think Djoke would hurt Nadal more in the final though (the fact that Nadal's playing Lopez means he 100% has a spot in the F), so for that reason too, I'd prefer Djoke to win. A little bit.

Argh I still miss Roger like mad. BASEL WHERE ARE YOU.

*

Anyway, tennis this morning was awesome. NUS Wall Guy corrected my swing and whatever, and for the first time since I started playing tennis (it's been a year!!!1!omg), I actually feel like I have a real forehand. IT'S AMAZING. Backhand is still as flat as my chest, but I managed some topspin shots today. YAY!

And I felt amazing, mood-wise, after tennis. Exercise, especially in the morning, does wonders for your mood.

That is, if you're doing a sport you enjoy. If I'm forced to jog, I'd be pissed off as hell.

I must say, though, that I really admire the amount of effort pro tennis players put into their fitness. Because I cannot begin to express how fucking tiring it is to keep up a rally of more than 5 shots - consistently. And to do it at least 60 times, sometimes more, depending on how long the match is. It's absolutely insane. I'd play a good rally with NUS Wall Guy, in which I'm half dead after like, five shots, and the next rally would be absolute crap. If your fitness is non-existent, tennis is a lot more tiring than it has to be - and my fitness is completely non-existent. NUS Wall Guy said I need to do shuttle run because my movement is slow - and my movement is slow half because I'm too tired to run after like, 15 minutes of tennis.

Sigh. I'm tragic.

I must also say, too, it feels great to hit a good shot. It feels amazing to hit a good shot five times in a row. It feels absolutely out of this world to hit a good shot five times in a row, THEN win the damn point. Especially when you know what you're doing. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. Still working on that.

*

Typing this in my parents' room now where the cable modem is, and not my room, because the stupid Linksys router (which I suspect is many years old) is apparently dead. And I spent over an hour on the fucking phone with a Linksys help person trying to fix it, just to have her tell me it's dead. And because it's a call centre, the service operator is from some I dunno what country and didn't understand me half the time so it took a lot longer than necessary.

I was damn pissed about this, but am now zen, so whatever.

Write more in a bit. Need to check Evony attack.

*

ETA:

I talked to Chloe on Gmail chat the night before Comm Prac was due, initially to ask her about the whatever SGX thing. The conversation subsequently veered into the topic of boyfriends and relationships - expectations of the other person, managing those expectations, trying to make him happy.

I suppose I am moderately obsessed with my boyfriend. But that's the thing with me: I'm a very all-or-nothing person. I know very little middle ground. I am either extremely interested, or I am extremely disinterested. I still remember my Secondary Two form/maths teacher cornering me one day and asking me about my crappy Maths results, how she showed genuine concern (which I appreciated) but not empathy (which I didn't). She said, "I don't think you are an extreme person."

But that's the thing. I am an extreme person. It shows in the way I delve completely and whole-heartedly into a new hobby, interest, endeavour - a new celebrity to fawn over (Backstreet Boys, Silverchair, Joaquin Phoenix, Jay Chou, David Cook, Roger Federer), a new sport to pick up, a new subject to stimulate me intellectually. It shows in the way I completely - and I mean, completely - switch off when it comes to the things I have zero interest in, and the absence of any interest on my part shows in my performance in them if I'm forced to take them in school (Mathematics, Company Law, things like that).

I don't know how to love Wei Chuen without making him the centre of my universe, because this is just the person that I am. When I love something - when I love someone - I do it whole-heartedly, without reservation, without pause. I haven't loved many guys in my life, and he's the only guy who's ever told me he loved me, and genuinely knew what it meant, and had an actual basis for it. He's completely precious to me, so much so that sometimes I feel like I could burst at the seams with love for him. Sounds cheesy, but it's true.

I don't want that to change, obviously. If it ever did it'd be a clear sign that things aren't as good as they are before. I can't love him any other way, because anything less isn't worth either my time or his, and because he deserves my whole heart, flawed as it may be.

Still, it's not good for either of us when I'm moody because he can't meet me. I'm clingy and needy and possessive of his time, and before I obsessed quite intensely over when I'd be seeing him again. The good news is, I don't do that so much anymore - not because I feel less for him (I don't. In fact, sometimes I think I love him more each day), but because my good sense tells me I was being nonsensical and girly which is really gross, and because it's just not heathly for us. I don't want our dates to become a burden for him, and I sure as hell don't want to stress him out.

The good news is, too, he doesn't think I'm slightly obsessed. He even likes that I'm like that, that I want so much time with him. It's things like this, as well as a combination of other things which I'm not at liberty to disclose, things about me that he likes which another guy is not likely to, that have me quite convinced that this might just work out in ways that neither of us genuinely contemplated when we first got together.

Sometimes when I stop and remind myself that I'm dating him, it's still a little bit unbelievable. He's one of those curve balls that life threw at me with no warning, but unlike the others, he's so good, and so wonderful, that I wouldn't have it any other way.

*

Okay, that's all for the mush for now. Gonna watch some DVD. Yay.

I'm sooo tired from tennis.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010